On this day 15 weeks ago, I was eating lunch at work with my friends telling them how I couldn't go too much longer before having W. Granted my due date was still 8 days away but I had woken up feeling off and the past week had been a challenge. I remember thinking when I was pregnant that I wouldn't be one of those people who said they were done being pregnant, but by 39 weeks I was pretty sure I was ready to have that baby. I was ready to meet him. Now I think about how if he had waited until his due date (or later) I would still have time with him. Although I have been blessed to have more time home with him than many working mothers.
15 weeks later, I sit here at the end of my maternity leave. My little boy is grumbling in his sleep as he gets closer to waking up for the day. They are sounds that were once so unfamiliar to me and now they are just part of my life. They are an indicator that I better have a bottle ready because when he wakes up it will be time for FOOD! I can't blame him because I'm the same way!
Although I follow his cues, we have settled into somewhat of a schedule and Monday morning will be rough on me as I begin the journey towards a new schedule. Instead of sleeping until I hear him begin to rumble around and then getting up in an effort to brush my teeth (at least!) before he wakes up, I will wake up and do my best not to wake him up. I will pump, get dressed, eat my breakfast, and head off to work without a car seat in the back. It will be a mixing of my old pre-baby life and my new life with W. It will be a challenge, but in the end it will be okay.
My family is blessed to have my mother taking care of W for a week before J takes some leave to be with him. Then my mother will watch him again during the last week of the school year before I am off for the summer. W will not be in daycare until the fall and I pray that God leads me to the right person to care for him at that point.
What I will miss most are the morning cuddles and grins. What I will not miss most is the afternoon crankiness. It helps to think about that sometimes! In all seriousness though, today through Monday will be some of the toughest moments of my life but I will make it through. I am strong and I will be okay. I will just learn to cherish all of the moments I have with my son while being able to provide for him and grow in other areas of my life.
Being a mother is hard work.